The Beginning

Well, I'm not quite sure where to start, so I guess I'll start at the beginning.

Rich and I have been together since August 8th, 2000. We were married on July 16th, 2005. On February 14th, 2006, I underwent a routine surgery to remove some large cysts from my ovaries. We soon found out that the cysts were actually cancerous tumors and my ovaries were removed. Since we had strong intentions of bringing children into our family in the next few years, we started weighing our options.

Because I still have a uterus, invitro fertilization (IVF) was still an option, however, we would have to accept donated eggs (my sisters were more than willing to help us in that department). We entertained the thought of IVF for a while, then decided in early 2007 that domestic adoption would be a better choice for us. We sent in an application to an agency in March and we were to attend an agency hosted conference in April. In speaking with an agency social worker in March, we soon found more disappointment as we were told that we were not eligible for an agency adoption at this time seeing as how only one year had passed since I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Apparently, agencies (international and domestic) require a minimum of three to five years to pass before an application is accepted. Since an agency adoption generally takes approximately 2 years or so, we would have to wait a total of 4+ years before we could have children, unless we did IVF.

Rich and I decided we were just going to be content with our lives as they are now and then, when we are eligible, we will attempt to apply with an agency again. We started making plans for a vacation at the end of the year to Maui, we collected information for improvements we could make on our home in the meantime and we thoroughly enjoyed the time alone we had with one another.....but all the while, there was still a longing in our hearts and an aching for something, someone we couldn't have.

I received a call from my mom last week and she said my cousin "J" had been looking for me. I hadn't spoken with "J" for about 10 years, merely because we were both too busy growing up and we live quite some distance from one another. I called "J" that afternoon and asked her if everything was okay. Her response was, "Yeah, well, it's just that I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant with a boy and I think you and your husband should take him." WHAT!?!?!

We spoke at length and I shared with her my concerns that she was making a BIG decision and should take some time to think about it. I had expressed to her how I was apprehensive because we had already experienced so much disappointment...."I've made up my mind and I don't ever go back on that. I've had a lot of time to think about this and I think maybe I got pregnant right now because you and Rich were in need. This may be the answer to a lot of people's prayers." She said she felt relieved knowing that we would take him and that she felt as though a huge weight has been lifted off of her shoulders.

Rich walked in the door just as I was hanging up the phone and he could see that I was physically shaking and that I had broken out in splotches all over my chest. He said, "So, how did it go? Is everything okay?" "Well, it's a boy....daddy!" His eyes lit up like I had never seen before and he and I both started to cry. He said, "Okay! Wait...it's a boy? I WIN! Okay, now I only have 4 1/2 months to perfect my break dancing so I can teach him." For the rest of the evening, every time I looked at him he had a huge smile on his face. That night as I fell asleep, he brushed his fingers through my hair, put his other arm around me and said, "I can't wait to see you hold our son in your arms."

It's been 5 days since I've had a restful night of sleep. There are so many things to get ready and so many concerns running through my head, but we are still thrilled about this opportunity. Just to be considered in this process feels amazing! I know that we are getting our hopes up and there is a chance for disappointment, but that is a chance we are willing to take. The situation we are in (infertility) requires us to take a bigger chance than most if we are going to bring children into our home, but it is that important to us that we are willing, even eager, to do so. So, we ARE going to be excited. We ARE going to make arrangements to bring this little boy home. We ARE going to share our journey with those that we love. Because, we will never look back on this situation and wish that we had worried more. If this does go through, I want to know that we spent every minute of this time of anticipation and anxiousness planning for the most wonderful gift God could give us. If we end up getting our hearts broken, they will heal. They always do...and we will put back the broken pieces as we always have, but we are not going to dwell on those thoughts unless we are actually faced with them. That is no way to live life.

"J" has asked if we could choose a name. His name will be Zachary Dean Speakman and he is expected to arrive on September 11th. Zachary means "rendered by God" and Dean is Rich's middle name. "J" said that she finally felt him squirming around yesterday! How exciting! We will be driving to see both "J" and her boyfriend on the 28th-30th of this month to spend some time with them and so that they can get to know us. She said that she had ultrasound pictures to share with us, so I will try and post those when we get them.

Please pray for us and continue to support us if you can because we will need it. This has been and will continue to be a long journey of hills and valleys for Rich and I, but it is comforting to know that we are loved and we are not alone.