Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!

As most of you know, this is my FAVORITE day of the whole year. This year was somewhat different, as I had surgery the day before our big family celebration, so it was a little more low-key than normal...but we still had fun!

Friday morning, I went in for laparoscopic surgery to determine the source of some lower abdominal pain that I've had since my ovaries were removed two years ago. We were unsure as to if this was a recurrence of the cancer or pain from adhesions (scar tissue) that had formed. We were blessed to have our friend Richard (Maddalena) do my surgery. He has been there for us from the very beginning...from doing my first surgery and diagnosing me, to helping lead our infertility group which has been a huge source of support for us, to taking care of Jess and delivering our son...this man does it all!

After the surgery, we were told that there were huge masses of scar tissue that had formed and had attached to several different organs and twisted them all around like a cobweb. They have been broken up and I should be feeling much better after I'm fully recovered from this last surgery. Rich and I knew that whatever the outcome would be, we would face it together and we would be fine. We were just blessed to have the outcome be GOOD news :) I'm healing nicely and have a renewed sense of respect and gratitude for my friends and family that have stepped up to help us during this process.

The day of the surgery, my big brother Clint, Tara and Cal came to stay with us. It was so nice to have them here. I love watching my brother as a father...he has so many of the amazing qualities that OUR father had. He even did my dishes and made me coffee!

Zack loved having his cousin Cal stay with us. He enjoyed sharing his books and toys with him.

"Mom, can't you see we're playing here? I'm being nice and sharing...I promise!"

Cal and his beautiful Mommy.

Zack helping Mommy recover. Naps are always better when you have someone to cuddle with.

He is getting so good with that paci.

We celebrate St. Patty's Day at my brother and sis-in-law's every year. They do such a great job accommodating so many people. It's a "come one, come all" policy, so it seems there are fresh faces every year.

Shea, being a good girl as always.

Cal sure was in a good mood (as always)!

Kasey's birthday is this coming weekend, so we celebrated that as well since we were all together.

Auntie Colleen and Baby Cal. My sister is so amazing with the babies - - she always seems to be taking care of one of them when we're together. Thank you for all of your help, Colleen.

Alex munching on the pre-dinner snackies.

Steph, Luis and Cristian made it this year! You know what that means, Steph? You have to come NEXT year too!

Zack playing on our bed with some newspaper ads while Mommy still recovers.

He now gets on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth. I think he will officially be crawling by next week.

Bath time! Now he can sit up in the bath.

Zack, I am amazed by you every day...

I recently joined our MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers) group at our church and was asked a few weeks ago if I would give my testimony today for the group. Since so many things have changed in the last few years, it was time for an update, so here it is:

First of all, let me make it clear that there was never one particular “ah-ha” moment where I remember making just one commitment to Christ. I have had more “ah-ha” moments than I could count. Looking back, I see the strategic ways that the Lord has placed specific people and circumstances in my life, so that I am drawn closer and closer to Him.

I was raised in a strict Roman Catholic family, the youngest of seven kids. We were taught mostly about religion and not much about faith. At the time, our church taught mostly on the “rules” of the church and not how to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Needless to say, there was always a knowledge of Christ in my life, but I was confused as to what to do with it.
As a teenager, I met several people (peers, teachers, and youth leaders) that were willing to openly share their faith with me on a personal level and be patient with me as I found my own way to an intimate relationship with Christ.

My husband Rich and I met when we were 18, while working an afterschool job at Papa Murphy’s. We attended different schools, but, to our amazement, found we were raised only one mile from each other for the last 15 years.

In 2002, I was twenty years old and had my support system neatly in place and tragedy struck. On May 17th of 2002, one of my best friends, Carol Guillen, called me in the middle of the night to come stay with me. She had gotten drunk at a party and couldn’t go home. In the morning, I woke her up and tried talking to her about where her life was headed. We had a long history together and this just wasn’t like her. ; She left soon after our conversation. I was angry. That evening, her aunts came to Papa Murphy’s to tell me she was missing. That night, detectives had found her body, but it took them almost two days to identify her. She had been shot several times in the face and left in an orchard. I was one of the last people to see her and we still have not found her killer. That same month, my dad’s health started to quickly decline from non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Three months after Carol’s murder, we put my dad on hospice. Four months after Carol’s murder, Rich and I found ourselves in my living room holding my dad’s hand as he took his last breath. After fifteen years of fighting cancer, he finally let go.

My life had officially been flipped upside down and I was only 20 years old. I couldn’t function. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t get out of bed. I started to spiral down further each day. I self-medicated with anything I could get my hands on (alcohol in particular) until I was high or drunk all the time. I tried anything I could to be able to feel something. I had lost my faith and thought I could never get it back. I will forever have faint scars on my wrists to remind me of this time in my life. The Lord was closer to me than ever, but I was too blind and numb to see Him waiting for me in the shadows.

I started seeing a Christian counselor and my support system, sent to me by God, slowly started to pull me out of the deepest, darkest hole I have ever known. My pain was slowly healed and I began to find purpose in life again. Rich and I joined this church and were married in July of 2005. After 7 months of marriage, I went into the hospital for a routine surgery to remove some cysts from my ovaries, which were preventing us from getting pregnant. I awoke from the surgery and was told that the cysts were large cancerous tumors and that my ovaries had been removed. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Of course, this was devastating news, but Rich and I both knew that there was some reason why God had chosen for this to happen. I couldn’t allow myself to spiral downward again, so I forced myself to become more involved in the church.

Before we were married, Rich and I had talked about wanting to adopt, so we decided to pursue an adoption through an agency. We found that no agency would allow us to even apply for an adoption until I had been in remission for five years or more. We were desperate for a child and I was angry. It seemed as though everyone around me was becoming pregnant - - all within about a three month span. Most of these women were becoming pregnant unexpectedly, yet we wanted a child and could not have one. I felt so cheated!

Two weeks after our adoption application was denied, I received a phone call from my second cousin Jessica. We hadn’t spoken in about ten years, since we live in opposite ends of the state. I was surprised to hear from her, to say the least. She started the conversation with, “My mom told me that you and your husband can’t have kids. I just wanted to let you know that I’m 4 ½ months pregnant and I think you should have him.” Needless to say, I was shocked. We soon moved her from southern California into our home so that we could take care of her until she gave birth. My husband and I attended all of her OB appointments over the next four months and on September 11th at 4:16am, our son, Zackary Dean Speakman was born a healthy 8 lbs., 6 oz. He turned six months old last week and has been the most incredible gift we have ever been given. He has amazing bright blue eyes and a smile that lights up a room. I was blessed enough to be able to quit my job so that I could stay home with Zack full-time.

My husband and I have such respect for Jessica, as she sacrificed everything she had to give us the opportunity to be parents. We will forever be indebted to her for what she has done for our family.

My life has been filled with joy, sadness, heartbreak, blessings, love and loss. I wouldn’t change one bit of what it took to bring me to where I am now…it has shaped me (and my faith) into what it is today and has allowed me to have a renewed understanding of what is truly important in life.

As you can see, Christ has always been a part of my life and my personal relationship with Him has grown stronger over the years. Through every trial, I feel closer to Him and through every struggle, I know I must cling tighter. Now, when the difficult times hit, I am able to appreciate how they too are part of God’s intricate design and I realize I must be patient to find out how it’ll all work out according to His plan. I’ve learned that I must renew my commitment to Christ during moments of calmness so that I may survive the storms. Like I said, there was never just one “ah-ha” moment. Turning my life over to Christ has been a continuous process for me, in which I have had to re-commit myself to Him more times than I can remember, but throughout the journey I have learned to rely on Him instead of on myself and on the things of this world. In closing, there is a quote that seems to be the theme for my life: “Every happening, great or small, is a parable by which God speaks to us…and the art of life is to get the message.”

~ Malcolm Muggeridge